Dear Pope,
It will be appreciated of course, your Church takes water from all sides in the West. Excuse the expression, it goes to hell. No need for you to demonstrate this, just stop for a moment on the alienation of your churches. You will object perhaps the faith of Americans but look a little drift that takes the faith: the proliferation of new "churches" as the Church of Scientology, which grow at all street corners. All these "preachers" who in the name of Christianity, sects throw left and right, for the money of course but you still delighting your customer. And these retarded mentally, even the twenty-first century, preach creationism.
You may say that your church still has the wind in its sails in Latin America and Africa, but just wait till these people learn and it will happen what happened here in Quebec: an ultra conservative Catholic society which was emancipated and who deserted his church once, with "The Quiet Revolution" of 60s, we opened wide the doors of educational institutions.
Not really, your church has no future. As we go there it goes straight into the wall. Besides, you know, you who have letters: anything goes (Ta panta rei, to quote the old Greek philosopher Heraclitus), religions as well as empires. But in the meantime, why not give it a new lease of life to this old Church which is yours? Eh, why not?
With all respect due to you, let me offer a few suggestions to save the furniture. Simple suggestions you'll see.
Initially, say that the basic rule would be looking for ways to get your followers to be as happy as possible. So here are some steps to implement this rule application.
1o down Christ from his cross. The image of a crucified man is the most morbid and tasteless. The "Britich" say shocking. Especially since, according to legend, the supposed victim is redeemed by his gesture sin committed by our great-great-great grandparents. And who would have been to eat an apple. Come on! An unlikely story to sustain humans guilt quite contrary to the basic rule posed at the outset. Then the children, have you thought about the children? This is an image as violent as the Big Bad Wolf now eat Little Red Riding Hood. So, no hesitation, Jesus off his cross and leave him alone in his manger in Bethlehem.
2o Transubstantiation: make people believe that when they communicate, they eat the body of a man who died two thousand years ago. It is neither more nor less than cannibalism, you go account? And our poor children, again, who is depressed these absurdities in the skull. All in all, Tom Thumb seems more likely.
3o Hell. The eternal fire. As if we had the round ass on the stove. And for eternity, with this big clock that repeats endlessly grim and "Always (be), Never (out)." What has been your holy Church of inventing such a story? I still get chills when I think of our Lenten preachers who threatened us in this eternal hell if we had the misfortune to fiddle a bit the buttocks of our small neighbors by playing doctor. Even your theologians no longer believe in Satan and his cursed trident. It is the sadism of the worst kind, completely against the basic rule . So I beg you, get off me that your Creed and press it.
4o
Lent, penance, confession, the Day of the Dead, Dies irae and the list goes on, all business tinged with Jansenism. Quickly discard the floor.
5o celibacy of priests. What hogwash! No wonder you have all these scandals of pedophilia on the arms. To abolish course. There are a bunch of nuns who would like nothing better than to become Madame-priests. And as for being there, it is high time that you allow women to become priests themselves Memme. This prohibition is a completely outdated sexism today.
6o By cons, Paradise, yes, it it's a good idea. Go, ouste: paradise for everyone. No jostling, go back! Imagine the eternal picnic. It may be a bit long and the sandwiches will perhaps end up tasting bland but must maintain it, even if you do not believe it more than me. It's very good for morale.
You will object perhaps the wicked would receive the same treatment as good. No problem: announce that the good will have VIP seating and the wicked will have to settle down from the bleachers, in the "pit" as we say. Do not be too hard anyway. Tell them that everyone can down on the ice from time to time to play a game of hockey in heaven but the wicked will settle on the strip and beaten by the Angels the sturdiest.
7o Same for the Christmas and Easter. To maintain essential, not least because the children love the gifts and chocolate.
8o Knowing that it does not deprive you too, I suggest you organize a gigantic flea market to liquidate all the treasures and trinkets that clutter the Vatican. Then distribute the proceeds to the poor sales. Just imagine all those old tiaras and mitres being auctioned and even the popemobile. That would yield fortunes. A publicity stunt ever.
9o And especially, especially, stop discouraging the use of condoms to the poor Africans who are dying of AIDS. It is criminal what you do there.
Well, I will not go further with my suggestions because I think you get the general idea: change the austere image of the church for an image of joy, happiness. I swear to you with this, Islam has only to behave themselves.
And to get the ball rolling, I suggest you bring anything with miter, bar, cap and bib for them the good news. Maybe Similarly, for the occasion, should you, yourself, wear jeans. It makes it very beautiful today, you know. Denim. And slippers on his feet, like. Christ does not he walked barefoot? That would set the tone.
Then, in response, a pastoral letter in which you intimate to all the priests of the land order to remind their flock that their first duty is to seek happiness in this world for themselves and their neighbors. In cases where there would be no afterlife. A kind of Pascal's wager in reverse. All
humbly submitted.
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